Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Principle 1
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
“God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you an I?
-Principle 1, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.46 Continue reading “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you an I?
How to react to someone making a mistake…
Bob Hoover, a famous test pilot and frequent performer at air shows, was returning to his home in Los Angeles from an air show in San Diego. As described in the magazine Flight Operations, at three hundred feet in the air, both engines sunddely stopped. By deft maneuvering he managed to land the plane, but… Continue reading How to react to someone making a mistake…
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.” -Principle 1, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.42 Continue reading Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve?
Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others – yes, and a lot less dangerous. -Principle 1, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.41 Continue reading Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve?
Criticism is dangerous because…
It wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense importance, and arouse resentment. -Principle 1, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.34 Continue reading Criticism is dangerous because…
Principle 2
Give honest, sincere appreciation
Forget about flattery -> give only sincere appreciation.
Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else. The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. -Principle 2, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.57 Continue reading Forget about flattery -> give only sincere appreciation.
People would think they commit a crime…
…if they let their families or employees go for six days without food; but they will let them go for six days, and six weeks, and sometimes sixty years without giving them the hearty appreciation that they crave almost as much as they crave food. -Principle 2, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.56 Continue reading People would think they commit a crime…
I don’t criticize, I believe in giving a person incentive to work instead.
This is from a man who earned over a million dollar a year when someone earning fifty dollars a week was considered well off. “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” sais Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by… Continue reading I don’t criticize, I believe in giving a person incentive to work instead.
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated
This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children. -Principle 2, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.48 Continue reading The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated
Principle 3
Arouse in the other person an eager want
Don’t you know I am just as busy as you are – or, at least, I like to think I am.
-Principle 3, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.69 Continue reading Don’t you know I am just as busy as you are – or, at least, I like to think I am.
Who cares what your company desires?
I am worried about my own problems. The bank is foreclosing the mortgage on my house, the bugs are destroying the hollyhocks, the stock market tumbled yesterday. I missed the eight-fifteen this morning, I wasn’t invited to the Jones’s dance last night, the doctor tells me I have high blood pressure and neuritis and dandruff.… Continue reading Who cares what your company desires?
Henry Ford said: ” If there’s any one secret to success…
…it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” -Principle 3, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.66 Continue reading Henry Ford said: ” If there’s any one secret to success…
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, PAUSE and ask yourself:”How can I make this person want to do it?”
That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires. -Principle 3, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.64 Continue reading Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, PAUSE and ask yourself:”How can I make this person want to do it?”
The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Every act that you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something. -Principle 3, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.62 Continue reading The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
Principle 1
Become genuinely interested in other people
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people…
…than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. -Principle 1, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.82 Continue reading You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people…
Principle 2
Smile
Smile, always smile. Even if you’re sad
The Value of a smile at Christmas It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its… Continue reading Smile, always smile. Even if you’re sad
Principle 3
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
Do what it takes to remember the name of the people you meet
Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napolean, boasted that in spite of all his royal duties he could remember the name of every person he met. His technique? Simple. If he didn;t hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then, if it was… Continue reading Do what it takes to remember the name of the people you meet
Principle 4
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. -Principle 4, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.123 Continue reading Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
Principle 5
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
Find out what people are interested in and talk about that
Mr. Duvernoy had been trying to sell bread to a certain New York hotel. He had called on the manager every week for four years. He went to the same social affairs the manager attended. He even took rooms in the hotel and lived there in order to get the business. But he failed. “Then,”… Continue reading Find out what people are interested in and talk about that
Principle 6
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Principle 1
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
1- Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, “when two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brough to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake. 2- Distrust your first… Continue reading How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still
-Principle 1, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.145 Continue reading A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still
Why prove to a man he is wrong?
Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn;t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? -Principle 1, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.144 Continue reading Why prove to a man he is wrong?
Principle 2
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
I judge people by their own principles -not by my own.”
-Martin Luther King, Principle 2, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.162 Continue reading I judge people by their own principles -not by my own.”
When someone says something you know is wrong…
When another asserted something that I thought an error, I deny’d myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition: and in answering I gean by observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there appear’d or seem’d to… Continue reading When someone says something you know is wrong…
Principle 3
If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wnats to say or intend to say…
…and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized just as the mounted policeman did with me and Rex. Example: Ferdinand E Warren, a commercial artist, used this technique to win… Continue reading Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wnats to say or intend to say…
Principle 4
Begin in a friendly way
The fable of the Sun and the Wind
They quarreled about which one was the stronger, and the wind said, “I’ll prove I am. See the old man down there with a coat? I bet I can get this coat off him quicker than you can.” So the sun went behind a cloud, and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado,… Continue reading The fable of the Sun and the Wind
Usher (include) in your most powerful arguments with such friendly remarks as:
“It will be for the jury to consider,” “This may, perhaps, be worth thinking of,” “Here are some facts that I trust you will not lose sight of.” “You, with knowledge of human nature, will easily see the significance of these facts.” No bulldozing. No high-pressure methods. No attempt to force his opinion on others.… Continue reading Usher (include) in your most powerful arguments with such friendly remarks as:
Principle 5
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Now this is in direct confrontation with Triggering “No” peels away the plastic falsehood of “Yes” and gets you to what’s really at stake. And frankly, Chris Voss’s opinion sticks more with me.
Principle 6
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
Let your friends talk about their achievements and downplay or avoid yours.
“If you want ennemies, excel your firends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.” -La Rochefoucauld. Why is that true? Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they – or at least some of them – will feel inferior and envious. -Principle 6, How to… Continue reading Let your friends talk about their achievements and downplay or avoid yours.
Principle 7
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Principle 8
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours…
…before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person – from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives – was likely to answer. -Principle 8, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.201 Continue reading I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours…
Principle 9
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Principle 10
Appeal to the nobler motives
Assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful.
When no information can be secured about the customer, the only sound basis on which to proceed is to assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful, and willing and anxious to pay the charges, once convinced they are correct. To put it differently and perhaps more clearly, people are honest and want to… Continue reading Assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful.
Principle 11
Dramatize your ideas
Principle 12
Throw down a challenge
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Principle 1
If you must find fault, begin with praise and honest appreciation
Principle 2
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
When talking to someone, change “but” to “and”
Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. Example: We might say “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.” In this case, Johnnie might… Continue reading When talking to someone, change “but” to “and”
Principle 3
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
Principle 4
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Asking questions instead of giving orders often stimulates creativity
When Ian Macdonald of Johannesburg, South Africa, the general manager of a small manufacturing plant had the opportunity to accept a very large order, he was convinced that he would not meet the promised delivery date. The work already scheduled in the shop and the short order completion time needed for this order made it… Continue reading Asking questions instead of giving orders often stimulates creativity
Principle 5
Let the other person save face
Principle 6
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Principle 7
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
Assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop
Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned. -Principle 7, How to Win Friends and Influence People, p.259 Continue reading Assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop
If an employee performance is down, do the following:
“Bill,” he said, “you are a fine mechanic. You have been in this line of work for a good number of years. You have repaired many vehicles to the customers’ satisfaction. In fact, we’ve had a number of compliments about the good work you have done. Yet, of late, the time you take to complete… Continue reading If an employee performance is down, do the following:
Principle 8
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
Principle 9
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
If you’re about to promote someone, tell them they would be doing you a great favor. It will make them feel doubly important
Woodrow Wilson followed that policy even when inviting William Gibbs McAdoo to become a member of his cabinet. That was the highest honor he could confer upon anyone, and yet Wilson extended the invitation in such a way as to make as to make McAdoo feel doubly important. Here is the story in McAdoo’s own… Continue reading If you’re about to promote someone, tell them they would be doing you a great favor. It will make them feel doubly important
Roadmap to Billions 