I am not yet ready to agree; You are making me feel uncomfortable; I do not understand; I don’t think I can afford it; I want something else; I need more information; or I want to talk it over with someone else. Then, after pausing, ask solution-based questions or simply label their effect: “What about this doesn’t work for you?” “What would you need to make it work?” “It seems like there’s something here that bothers you.” –Never split the difference, p.79 Continue reading When someone tells you “No”, you need to rethink the word in one of its alternative – and much more real – meanings:

The emotions calm, the effectiveness of the decisions go up, and the other party can really look at your proposal. –Never split the difference, p.78 Continue reading Preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas.

-Never split the difference, p.57 Continue reading People’s emotions have two levels: the “presenting” behavior is the part above the surface you can see and hear; beneath, the “underlying” feeling is what motivates the behavior.