Tag: Psychology

Negotation Mastery

When someone tells you “No”, you need to rethink the word in one of its alternative – and much more real – meanings:

Chris Labs

I am not yet ready to agree; You are making me feel uncomfortable; I do not understand; I don’t think I can afford it; I want something else; I need more information; or I want to talk it over with someone else. Then, after pausing, ask solution-based questions or simply label their effect: “What about this doesn’t work for you?” “What would you need to make it work?” “It seems like there’s something here that bothers you.” –Never split the difference, p.79 Continue reading When someone tells you “No”, you need to rethink the word in one of its alternative – and much more real – meanings:

Negotation Mastery

Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.

Chris Labs

That’s called labeling. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels. Think of labeling as a shortcut to intimacy, a time-saving emotional hack. Labeling has a special advantage when your counterpart is tense: Exposing negative thoughts to daylight “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail” – makes them seem less frightening. -Never split the difference, p.54 Continue reading Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.

Negotation Mastery

Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.

Chris Labs

This is called a mirror. By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting. For a mirror to be effective, you’ve got to let it sit there and do its work. It needs a bit of silence. -Never split the difference, p.36 Continue reading Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.