Tag: Labeling

Negotation Mastery

7% message-based, 38% tone of voice, 55% body language and face

Chris Labs

Pay very close attention to tone and body language to make sure they match up with the literal meaning of the words. If they don’t align, it’s quite possible that the speaker is lying or at least unconvinced. When someone’s tone of voice or body language does not align with the meaning of the words they say, use labels to discover the source of the incongruence. You: “So we’re agreed?” Them: “Yes…” You:” I heard you say, ‘Yes,’ but it seemed like there was hesitation in your voice.” Them: “Ohh, it’s nothing really.” You: “No, this is important, let’s make … Continue reading 7% message-based, 38% tone of voice, 55% body language and face

Negotation Mastery

If you’re talking to someone who is just not listening.

Chris Labs

To get to them, a great way is to mislabel one of the other party’s emotions or desires. You say something that you know is totally wrong, like “So it seems that you really are eager to leave your job” when they clearly want to stay. That forces them to listen and makes them comfortable correcting you by saying, “No, that’s not it. This is it.” –Never split the difference, p.91 Continue reading If you’re talking to someone who is just not listening.

Negotation Mastery

We all have a tendency to expand on what we’ve said… don’t.

Chris Labs

Let the label do its magic. We will say “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks”, with a specific question like “Where did you get it?” But a label’s power is that it invites the other person to reveal himself. So keep it to “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks” and then go silent. -Never split the difference, p.57 Continue reading We all have a tendency to expand on what we’ve said… don’t.

Negotation Mastery

Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.

Chris Labs

That’s called labeling. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels. Think of labeling as a shortcut to intimacy, a time-saving emotional hack. Labeling has a special advantage when your counterpart is tense: Exposing negative thoughts to daylight “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail” – makes them seem less frightening. -Never split the difference, p.54 Continue reading Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.