It rarely means “I have considered all the facts and made a rational choice”. Change is scary, and “No” provides a little protection from that scariness. –Never split the difference, p.78 Continue reading “No” is often a decision, frequently temporary, to maintain the status quo…
I started to see that while people played the game of conversation, it was in the game beneath the game, where few played, that all the leverage lived. –Never split the difference, p.77 Continue reading A trap into which many fall is to take what other people say literally
We all want to talk about the happy stuff, but remember, the faster you interrupt action in your counterpart’s amygdala, the part of the brain that generates fear, the faster you can generate feelings of safety, well-being, and trust. –Never split the difference, p.73 Continue reading Label your counterpart’s fears to diffuse their power.
Clear the barriers to agreement. Denying them gives them credence. Get them into the open. To be said outloud. –Never split the difference, p.72 Continue reading Focus first and foremost on the reasons why a counterpart will not make a deal.
Smile and you’re already an improvement. “Hi, Wendy, I’m Ryan. It seemslike they were pretty upset.” This labels the negative and establishes a rapport based on empathy. –Never split the difference, p.70 Continue reading Following on the heels of an argument is a great position for a negotiator, because your counterpart is desperate for an empathetic connection.
The first step of doing so is to list every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you. Ex: “It sounds like you think we are the big, bad prime contractor trying to push out the small business,” -Never split the difference, p.65 Continue reading Disarm your counterpart with an accusation audit.
The emotion that, once acknowledged, seems to miraculously solve everything else. -Never split the difference, p.63 Continue reading Labels help to uncover and identify the primary emotion driving almost all of your counterpart’s behavior.
Let the label do its magic. We will say “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks”, with a specific question like “Where did you get it?” But a label’s power is that it invites the other person to reveal himself. So keep it to “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks” and then go silent. -Never split the difference, p.57 Continue reading We all have a tendency to expand on what we’ve said… don’t.
Roadmap to Billions 