Clear the barriers to agreement. Denying them gives them credence. Get them into the open. To be said outloud. –Never split the difference, p.72 Continue reading Focus first and foremost on the reasons why a counterpart will not make a deal.
Smile and you’re already an improvement. “Hi, Wendy, I’m Ryan. It seemslike they were pretty upset.” This labels the negative and establishes a rapport based on empathy. –Never split the difference, p.70 Continue reading Following on the heels of an argument is a great position for a negotiator, because your counterpart is desperate for an empathetic connection.
The first step of doing so is to list every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you. Ex: “It sounds like you think we are the big, bad prime contractor trying to push out the small business,” -Never split the difference, p.65 Continue reading Disarm your counterpart with an accusation audit.
The emotion that, once acknowledged, seems to miraculously solve everything else. -Never split the difference, p.63 Continue reading Labels help to uncover and identify the primary emotion driving almost all of your counterpart’s behavior.
Let the label do its magic. We will say “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks”, with a specific question like “Where did you get it?” But a label’s power is that it invites the other person to reveal himself. So keep it to “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks” and then go silent. -Never split the difference, p.57 Continue reading We all have a tendency to expand on what we’ve said… don’t.
It seems like… It sounds like… It looks like… Notice we said “It looks like…” and not “I’m hearing that…” That’s because the word “I” get people guarded up. -Never split the difference, p.56 Continue reading Labels almost always begin with roughly the same words:
That’s called labeling. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels. Think of labeling as a shortcut to intimacy, a time-saving emotional hack. Labeling has a special advantage when your counterpart is tense: Exposing negative thoughts to daylight “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail” – makes them seem less frightening. -Never split the difference, p.54 Continue reading Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.
Roadmap to Billions 