The first step of doing so is to list every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you. Ex: “It sounds like you think we are the big, bad prime contractor trying to push out the small business,” -Never split the difference, p.65 Continue reading Disarm your counterpart with an accusation audit.
The emotion that, once acknowledged, seems to miraculously solve everything else. -Never split the difference, p.63 Continue reading Labels help to uncover and identify the primary emotion driving almost all of your counterpart’s behavior.
Don’t be the flashy type, the one that gets the attention on him. Be quiet and observe. -Denzel washington in American Gangster Continue reading The loudest in the room is always the weakest.
Let the label do its magic. We will say “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks”, with a specific question like “Where did you get it?” But a label’s power is that it invites the other person to reveal himself. So keep it to “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks” and then go silent. -Never split the difference, p.57 Continue reading We all have a tendency to expand on what we’ve said… don’t.
It seems like… It sounds like… It looks like… Notice we said “It looks like…” and not “I’m hearing that…” That’s because the word “I” get people guarded up. -Never split the difference, p.56 Continue reading Labels almost always begin with roughly the same words:
That’s called labeling. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels. Think of labeling as a shortcut to intimacy, a time-saving emotional hack. Labeling has a special advantage when your counterpart is tense: Exposing negative thoughts to daylight “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail” – makes them seem less frightening. -Never split the difference, p.54 Continue reading Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.
It is being able to think from another person’s point of view while they are talking and quickly assess what is driving them. Make a commitment to understanding their world. *Notice I didn’t say anything about agreeing with the other person’s values and beliefs or giving out hugs. That’s sympathy. -Never split the difference, p.52 Continue reading Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow.
Roadmap to Billions 