Tag: Social Interactions
Labels almost always begin with roughly the same words:
It seems like… It sounds like… It looks like… Notice we said “It looks like…” and not “I’m hearing that…” That’s because the word “I” get people guarded up. -Never split the difference, p.56 Continue reading Labels almost always begin with roughly the same words:
Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.
That’s called labeling. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels. Think of labeling as a shortcut to intimacy, a time-saving emotional hack. Labeling has a special advantage when your counterpart is tense: Exposing negative thoughts to daylight “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail” – makes them seem less frightening. -Never split the difference, p.54 Continue reading Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.
Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.
This is called a mirror. By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting. For a mirror to be effective, you’ve got to let it sit there and do its work. It needs a bit of silence. -Never split the difference, p.36 Continue reading Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.
Your tone of voice is crucial. Bascially there are two tones you can have:
The late-night FM DJ voice. When you inflect your voice in a downward way, you put it out there that you’ve got it covered. Talking slowly and clearly you convey one idea: I’m in control. There is no question. It doesn’t offer an alternative, because it would beg further discussion. You can be very direct and to the point as long as you can create safety by a tone of voice that says I’m okay, you’re okay, let’s figure it out. Positive/playful voice It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here … Continue reading Your tone of voice is crucial. Bascially there are two tones you can have:
In the early goings, make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say.
Instead of doing any thinking at all about what you’re going to say. In that mode of true active listening – you’ll make your counterpart feel safe. The voice inside their head will begin to quiet down. The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want. -Never split the difference, p.28 Continue reading In the early goings, make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say.
Assumption blind, hypothesis guide
Good negotiators, going in, know they have to be ready for possible surprises; great negotiators aim to use their skills to reveal the surprises they are certain exist. It’s best to hold multiple hypotheses, and to use the information that is coming in from listening to discard and modify those hypotheses. Engage the process with a mindset of discovery. -Never split the difference, p.24 Continue reading Assumption blind, hypothesis guide
Remember, people want to be understood and accepted.
Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing. -Never split the difference, p.16 Continue reading Remember, people want to be understood and accepted.
Never give advice.
We have our own lives to live, our own careers to make. We have no way of measuring others’ desires and capacities. Some are weak. A discouraging word at a critical moment may change their entire course. Then the one who gives that word incurs the responsibility. I court no obligations of that kind. Advertising teaches us how fallible are our judgments, even in things we know best. -My life in advertising, p.60 Continue reading Never give advice.
Respect yourself, no deal is worth someone f*cking with you.
A photographer wasn’t answering messages. I sent 3 no answers, it had been a week. I sent “Listen Ashley, I’m not sure how you usually deal with brands, but that’s not how I deal with photographers. If I don’t hear from you in th next 24hrs, let’s forget the photoshoot.” She answered in 7mins. -Chris Continue reading Respect yourself, no deal is worth someone f*cking with you.
Roadmap to Billions 