On average, liars use more words that truth tellers and use far more third-person pronouns. They start talking about him, her, it, one, they and their rather than I, in order to put some distance between themselves and the lie. And they discovered that liars tend to speak in more complex sentences in an attempt to win over their suspicious counterparts. –Never split the difference, p.178 Continue reading The pinocchio effect
Pay very close attention to tone and body language to make sure they match up with the literal meaning of the words. If they don’t align, it’s quite possible that the speaker is lying or at least unconvinced. When someone’s tone of voice or body language does not align with the meaning of the words they say, use labels to discover the source of the incongruence. You: “So we’re agreed?” Them: “Yes…” You:” I heard you say, ‘Yes,’ but it seemed like there was hesitation in your voice.” Them: “Ohh, it’s nothing really.” You: “No, this is important, let’s make … Continue reading 7% message-based, 38% tone of voice, 55% body language and face
Some numbers appear more immovable than others. The biggest thing to remember is that numbers that end in 0 inevitably feel like temporary placeholders. But anything you throw out that sounds less rounded – say, $37,263 – feels like a figure that you came to as a result of thoughtful calculation. –Never split the difference, p.132 Continue reading When you do talk numbers, use odd ones
By anchoring their emotions in preparation for a loss, you inflame the other side’s loss aversion so that they’ll jump at the chance to avoid it. Great example of it on page 128 & 129. –Never split the difference, p.128 Continue reading Loss aversion: To get real leverage in a negotiation, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.
Most people make an irrational choice to let the dollar slip through their fingers rather than to accept a derisory offer, because the negative emotional value of unfairness outweighs the positive rational value of the money. –Never split the difference, p.123 Continue reading If people feel they are given an unfair offer, they would rather decline it altogether.
When people issue threats, they consciously or subconsciously create ambiguities and loopholes they fully intend to exploit. The more precise the answer to the four questions, the closer you’re getting to the counterparty’s deadline. –Never split the difference, p.118 Continue reading To gauge the level of a particular threat, we’d pay attention to how many of the four questions – What? Who? When? And how? – were addressed.
When your adversary say “That’s right,” they feel they have assessed what you’ve said and pronounced it as correct of their own free will. They embrace it. Why is “You’re right” a disaster? Consider this: Whenever someone is bothering you, and they just won’t let up, and they won’t listen to anything you have to say, what do you tell them to get them to shut up and go away? “You’re right”. It works every time. Tell people “you’re right” and they get a happy smile on their face and leave you alone for at least twenty-four hours. But you … Continue reading Get your counterpart to say “That’s right” ✅ But make sure it’s not “You’re right” ❌
Send this one-sentence email. “Have you given up on this project?” The point is that this one-sentence email encapsulates the best of “No”-oriented questions and plays on your counterpart’s natural human aversion to loss. It offers the other party the feeling of safety and the illusion of control while encouraging them to define their position and explain it to you. Just as important, it makes the implicit threat that you will walk away on your own terms. –Never split the difference, p.92 Continue reading Someone ignores your emails?
To get to them, a great way is to mislabel one of the other party’s emotions or desires. You say something that you know is totally wrong, like “So it seems that you really are eager to leave your job” when they clearly want to stay. That forces them to listen and makes them comfortable correcting you by saying, “No, that’s not it. This is it.” –Never split the difference, p.91 Continue reading If you’re talking to someone who is just not listening.
But while we can’t control others’ decisions, we can influence them by inhabiting their world and seeing and hearing exactly what they want. –Never split the difference, p.84 Continue reading If we believe that we can control or manage others’ decisions with compromise and logic, we’re leaving millions on the table.
Roadmap to Billions 