Tag: Never split the difference
Labels almost always begin with roughly the same words:
It seems like… It sounds like… It looks like… Notice we said “It looks like…” and not “I’m hearing that…” That’s because the word “I” get people guarded up. -Never split the difference, p.56 Continue reading Labels almost always begin with roughly the same words:
Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.
That’s called labeling. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels. Think of labeling as a shortcut to intimacy, a time-saving emotional hack. Labeling has a special advantage when your counterpart is tense: Exposing negative thoughts to daylight “It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail” – makes them seem less frightening. -Never split the difference, p.54 Continue reading Labeling: Spot your counterpart’s feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back to them.
Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow.
It is being able to think from another person’s point of view while they are talking and quickly assess what is driving them. Make a commitment to understanding their world. *Notice I didn’t say anything about agreeing with the other person’s values and beliefs or giving out hugs. That’s sympathy. -Never split the difference, p.52 Continue reading Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow.
You can learn almost everything you need – and a lot more than other people would like you to know – simply by watching and listening, keeping your eyes peeled, and your ears open, and your mouth shut.
Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible
A great negotiator aims to use her skills to reveal the surprises she is certain to find.
-Never split the difference, p.47 Continue reading A great negotiator aims to use her skills to reveal the surprises she is certain to find.
Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.
This is called a mirror. By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting. For a mirror to be effective, you’ve got to let it sit there and do its work. It needs a bit of silence. -Never split the difference, p.36 Continue reading Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.
Mirror your counterpart’s behavior.
Mirror is essentially imitation. It can be done with speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice. We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. By mirroring your counterpart’s behavior, you send the signal “trust me” and “You and I – we’re alike.” -Never split the difference, p.36 Continue reading Mirror your counterpart’s behavior.
Your tone of voice is crucial. Bascially there are two tones you can have:
The late-night FM DJ voice. When you inflect your voice in a downward way, you put it out there that you’ve got it covered. Talking slowly and clearly you convey one idea: I’m in control. There is no question. It doesn’t offer an alternative, because it would beg further discussion. You can be very direct and to the point as long as you can create safety by a tone of voice that says I’m okay, you’re okay, let’s figure it out. Positive/playful voice It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here … Continue reading Your tone of voice is crucial. Bascially there are two tones you can have:
Roadmap to Billions 