The listener, of course. That’s because the talker is revealing information while the listener, if he’s trained well, is directing the conversation toward his own goals. –Never split the difference, p.160 Continue reading Who has control in a conversation, the guy listening or the guy talking?
Here are some great standbys: What about this is important to you? How can I help to make this better for us? How would you like me to proceed? What is it that brought us into this situation? How can we solve this problem? What’s the objective? / What are we trying to accomplish here? How am I supposed to do that? –Never split the difference, p.154 Continue reading Calibrated questions should start with “what” or “how”
The questions should make it look like you’re asking for help. Ex: You need new clothes. Instead of telling the salesclerk what you “need”, you can describe what you’re looking for and ask for suggestions. Then, once you’ve picked out what you want, instead of hitting them with a hard offer (and falling into confrontation), you can just say the price is a bit more tham you budgeted and ask for help with one of the greatest-of-all-time calibrated questions: “How am I supposed to do that?” The critical part of this approach is that you really are asking for help … Continue reading Calibrated questions are the best way to transform confrontational showdowns into joint problem-solving sessions.
You can get your counterpart into a mood of generosity by staking an extreme anchor and then, after their inevitable first rejection, offering them a wholly unrelated surprise gift. Unexpected conciliatory gestures like this are hugely effective because their introduce a dynamic called #reciprocity. –Never split the difference, p.133 Continue reading Surprise your counterpart with a gift
Some numbers appear more immovable than others. The biggest thing to remember is that numbers that end in 0 inevitably feel like temporary placeholders. But anything you throw out that sounds less rounded – say, $37,263 – feels like a figure that you came to as a result of thoughtful calculation. –Never split the difference, p.132 Continue reading When you do talk numbers, use odd ones
After you’ve anchored them high, you can make your offer seem reasonable by offering things that aren’t important to you but could be important to them. Or if their offer is low you could ask for things that matter more to you than them. –Never split the difference, p.132 Continue reading One of the easiest ways to bend your counterpart’s reality to your point of view is by pivoting to nonmonetary terms.
Instead of saying “I’m worth $110,000,” Jerry might have said, “At top places like X Corp., people in this job get between $130,000 and $170,000.” That gets your point across without moving the other party into a defensive position. Research shows that people who hear extreme anchors unconsciouly adjust their expectations in the direction of the opening number. –Never split the difference, p.131 Continue reading When confronted with naming your terms or price, counter by recalling a similar deal which establishes your “ballpark,” albeit the best possible ballpark you wish to be in.
You should let them start especially when you don’t know the market. That’s because neither side has perfect information going to the table. By letting them anchor you also might get lucky: I’ve experienced many negotiations when the other party’s first offer was higher than the closing figure I had in mind. That said, you’ve got to be careful when you let the other guy anchor. You have to prepare yourself psychically to withstand the first offer. If the other guy’s a pro, a shark, he’s going to go for an extreme anchor in order to bend your reality. Themn, … Continue reading In monetary negotiations, let the other side name a price first.
By anchoring their emotions in preparation for a loss, you inflame the other side’s loss aversion so that they’ll jump at the chance to avoid it. Great example of it on page 128 & 129. –Never split the difference, p.128 Continue reading Loss aversion: To get real leverage in a negotiation, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.
It’s simple and clear and sets you up as an honest dealer. With that statement, you let people know that it is okay to use that word with you if they use it honestly. –Never split the difference, p.125 Continue reading Early on in a negotiation, say, “I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any times if you feel I’m being unfair, and we’ll address it.”
Roadmap to Billions 